My Musings...

A few thoughts before I run off to class...

• I have the greatest and best looking apartment of girls in my ward. Ha.
• Listening to your roommate play her guitar and sing is pure heaven (especially when it's just her, in the living room, messing around and practicing by herself. She's talented, guys)
• I do not enjoy the cold
• I wish I had figured out long ago that teaching really is my calling and pathway in life...
• Once you are comfortable with yourself, life goes a lot more smoothly
• Losing your whole box of kitchen stuff is the worst
• You don't realize how nice it is to come home to 4 crazy, happy dogs who are always excited to see you- no matter what- until you don't. (Even if an unnamed dog wakes you up in the middle of the night because another unnamed dog won't let her on the couch... *cough*cough* Ella *cough*
• It's nice to have family with you, no matter where you live
• Sometimes, lists can become overwhelming
• Arizona is the best palce to live

Hearts,
me

The Day I Was Schooled By My Four Year Old

2013 is not turning out how I dreamed... hence, the word 'dreamed'. Haha!

Ok... so technically, she's not my four year old. I've nannied for her family since she was one and a half, so basically... forever. ;) I sure do love her like she's my own daughter, though. Her name is Ella. Haha. Go figure.

I was in a minor fender bender on Saturday night. No worries. Everything's good. My car is a little banged up and she needs some fixing. I'm physically fine. Mentally, a completely different story. More on that some other time. I'm still smiling, though, and that's what matters! :D

I drove my mom's old car to work today and Ella immediately started asking me about the car, about a million questions.

"Where's your car Jaw-uh?"
"Why you have a new one?"
"You like this new one?"

I explained to her that this is my mom's old car that she's letting me borrow until I get my car fixed. This car is ancient. It's a 1995 white Buick bus thing that is older than my youngest sister. Not gonna lie, it's a piece of junk that runs on prayers more than gasoline.

When I was sitting on the passenger's seat, door open, putting on my tennis shoes, Ella started pointing out all kinds of things about the car to me.

"Those are comfy seats."
"The back is nice."
"The seat belt on the door? That cool."
..... and she continued on pointing out all the cool things about the car while I finished up putting on my shoes. When I was finished she said, "This cool car Jaw-uh. I wish I have one this cool."

That hit me like a train. Random, I know. Here I was, worring about my broken (nice) car, the money that it's going to cost to fix it, (which I have been blessed with, by the way), college problems, financial aide woes, a three-job-working-burnout, and assorted other disappointments... how lucky am I? I have a family who loves me. I have friends who care about me. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ. I have my own beautiful baby Ella (AKA, my dog). I am an extremely blessed woman who deals with a lot of different issues that can be overwhelming. I take it one day at a time and try to focus on my blessings. I have a lot of them. I am even so blessed that I have a "cool car" to drive when I need one. Wow. I am one lucky duck.

Thank you for reminding me of all this, my darling four year old! <3

Gotten into 'Duck Dynasty' yet?
Seriously.
Go watch it NOW.

*Disclaimer*
        -"Jaw-uh" is how Ella pronounces my name. She has the cutest lisp and it kills me every time.

"I don't know half of you as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

I have always wondered if I would be happy if my life had turned out how I wanted it to when I was sixteen, eighteen, or even twenty-one years old. These past few weeks have shown me… heck to the no! My life can be very challenging some days. I deal with a lot of things. I wouldn’t trade any of my experiences for anything, though. Ever. I have learned some priceless lessons. So many different things have happened to me over the past few years. 2012 seemed to top them all. I feel like I learned more this past year than all the others put together. It’s like everything just clicked this year and it all finally makes sense. I know who I am and where I want to go.  Just wow. These are five of my most invaluable lessons:

1. Move away

Staying in the same place forever really sucks. It gets old. You get used to it. In my opinion, you get too comfortable. Even though I moved up to the-middle-of-nowhere, Idaho, it was still somewhere that wasn’t Mesa. I wish that I had done that sooner. Ah well! I had things to deal with and demons to conquer. I miss that place more than is probably healthy for any normal human being. April will get here soon enough! That being said…

 

2. Wherever You Are—Be All There

It does no good to move away and long for the place that you left. Be happy wherever you are. One of my most favorite quotes I’ve read recently says, “Wherever you go, no matter the weather, always bring your own sunshine.” I love that!  It took me a lot longer than I would care to admit, to learn this lesson. I have finally figured it out, though! I’m home in good old Arizona and loving it! I love being close to my family and especially my dog. J I love the sunshine and the friends that I have down here. I’m going back up to school in April. I can’t wait but at the same time… I can. I’m enjoying living in the present.

 

3. Let People Care

You will be surprised by how many people out there are actually good people… you just have to give them the chance. Let them care about you. Let them help you through your hard times. Trust them. Love them. Most importantly, though… let them love you. Always keep in mind that they’re going through their own trials and are only human. Don’t let fear of loss, hurt, or heartbreak scare you. Go out and meet new people. You will be pleasantly surprised by who stays by your side and never leaves.  Looking back on 2012 and all the people I met and who I’m still close to… I’m blown away. I could have never guessed everything would end up this way and friendships/relationships would work out like they did. I am the luckiest girl in the world! I have the greatest friends and examples in my life. To all of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You know who you are.

 

4. Learn From the “Lessons”

Another quote that I like a lot right now is, “People come into your life for one of two reasons. They are either a blessing or a lesson.” Maybe it’s just one of my faults but I ignore the bad in everyone. I always focus on the good qualities in people. That might sound like a good thing but dang, you can get burned! It finally all clicked this year for me. People are going to hurt you, break your heart, and leave you. Intentionally or unintentionally. This is just the reality of life. That is OK! Let those people be lessons for you! Let them teach you who you don’t want to be and show you things that you would like to change about yourself. You must remember, however, to…

 

5. Forgive

It is the hardest thing in the world to do, at least from my experience. I finally had this lesson hit home this year. There were many different reasons why, I suppose. I had a lot of very different ‘interactions’ with people this year. I am here to tell you that if you can learn to do one thing, you will be more at peace than I could even begin to describe to you… accept an apology that was never given and move on. Don’t wait around for people to realize how much they hurt you or how heartless and thoughtless they were. Move on. I promise you that someday they will realize what they did or how bad it hurt. Just don’t wait around for that to happen. I highly recommend “The Peacegiver” by James L. Ferrell. Read it. It will change your life. Guaranteed.

With all that being said, I have one more confession… I have always thought I’m a pretty smart girl when it comes to judging character. Granted, I am but I am only human. A surprising lesson I learned is to trust the opinion of those you trust and trust your first impression. I’ve always been a sucker for second chances (granted, they have their place) but not always. If someone has repeatedly hurt, ticked off, or infuriated those you care about, it would be wise to not let that person get too close. Ahhhhh! What an obnoxious, yet satisfying lesson to learn. After 25 years, I finally understand… trust your gut. You have more wisdom and sense than you think.

I am SO ready for 2013. I have so many plans and dreams. It’s so funny because 2013 hasn’t even started and I’ve already changed my whole year around! This is my year! This is my “unexpected journey.” (Haha! I’m such a nerd!)

Now, a parting smile...

Amen!! (And yes, I'm on a complete Hobbit craze right now. LOL!)

 

 

Who knew dwarves could be so attractive! <3

Hearts,
me

Oh my gosh. Wow.

Man... do I have some stuff to vent. Lessons learned. Time wasted. Myself, rediscovered. Just... wow. Some people will surprise you.

"Play me like a game and I'll leave you like a joke."

More to come. <3

This Week. Yikes.

Sometimes, they REALLY suck.

It has been a long, long week. I am emotionally drained but still smiling. ;) Trying, at least. Instead of actually thinking and writing for myself, I will let these quotes speak for me...

These are all good representations of different thoughts and feelings I've had this week. Yikes. At least this week is over. Life can try to ruin me again next week... I say, "BRING IT! I can take it. Booyah!"

Vacation: Miserable and Fun?

I have been thinking about this lately:

I recently lost someone I considered a best friend. I lost him to apathy, the definition being: lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. Synonyms: indifference, unconcern, listlessness. It sucks.

I went up to the Berg, a couple weeks ago, to visit all my friends that I haven’t seen in eons. I was in desperate need of a vacation and wanted to be around the people that I loved and missed. It didn’t turn out how I expected at all. Can something make you miserable but be absolutely perfect at the same time? I would not go back and change anything that happened. I learned so much. Since I am so fond of lists, I shall make one:

Things I Learned In the Berg

1.       I have a love/hate relationship with flying

2.       Danielle is an excellent travel companion

3.       There are still wonderful people who will drive half an hour to the airport to pick you up even though he has never met you

4.       Jasmyne is an excellent hostess

5.       It really, really hurts to have someone look at you in horror, even if you never did anything to deserve that look and have been looking forward to making them squirm for months

6.       You find out who actually cares when you run into people who didn’t expect to see you

7.       No matter how excited you are to surprise someone, see them, and give them a hug… when they aren’t excited to see you, it will leave you speechless. You will feel blind sighted for the rest of the weekend and wonder why you wasted so much time staying friends with the idiot boy

8.    Something wonderful can be staring you in the face but you won’t realize it until you’re sitting on the airplane flying home… then it will hit you like a train… and you will wonder why you’ve been so blind

9.       Idaho is a cold place

10.   People will always surprise you

That weekend was devoted to putting the past behind me. I was definitely able to do that. I had to put more people back there than I planned, though. It hurt. It was hard. It was exactly what I needed.

I am ready to go back. Back to the Berg. I want to get on with my life and with school. I can’t wait for the next adventure!

I am so grateful to be grateful. I love what my trials have taught me. I love the knowledge and experiences that I’ve gained through the ups and downs of life. I love what I’ve learned from all the different people that I’ve had the pleasure to meet. Some have taught me different things about myself, while most have showed me exactly who and what I do NOT want to be. Life lessons are definitely best learned through experience. I’m so thankful that I am here to experience life! What a blessing.

 

Hearts,

me



Yo, Jacob!

I was just complaining to Angela tonight that I don't have anything to blog about. I'm fresh out of ideas. I've got nothin'. Sometimes I can be pretty thick...

This is completely ridiculous because exactly 18 years ago today, one of the most amazing people I know was born. Jacob Merrill Standage. If I have a sibling who's the most like me, it's him. (Sorry, Jacob!) We're crazy, hilarious people who care too easily and get our hearts broken too much. Seriously! We're the kind of people who will kindly give you chance after chance after chance, even though you really don't deserve one. Bless him. Jacob is quite fantastic.

Isn't he the cutest thing you ever did see! ;)

When I was going into 6th grade, my family was living in the little podunk town of Enid, Oklahoma. My dad was in the Air Force and that was where he was stationed. He was getting out of the Air Force at the time and the plan was to move the family to Mesa, Arizona where most of both sides of the extended families lived. Plans didn't go as expected so my mom ended up sending us older children, Isaac, Ben, and myself to Arizona to start school. She kept the three younger kids with her.

I had a beautiful quilt that my Grandma Standage had made me for Christmas a couple years earlier. It was a purple checkered thing. I loved it. I didn't take it with me to Arizona. Honestly, I have no idea why.

Talking to my mom after being gone for about a week, she informed me that Jacob had stolen my quilt. He missed me and had been sleeping with it ever since I left. Needless to say, I was touched. Actually, my sixth grade self was more ticked than touched. (How dare he! That's MY quilt.) Hindsight is 20/20, though. The funny thing about this story is that I never got it back. My quilt, I mean. Once the rest of the family moved out to Arizona, Jacob kept the quilt. If I remember correctly, I tried to get it back a couple of times. I was horridly unsuccessful.

To this day, he still sleeps with that quilt. I can't think of anywhere else I would rather have it be, than on his bed. It has been a constant reminder through the years how much he actually loves me... especially during these rocky teenage years. Granted, it has also helped remind me how much I love him. ;)

Yes, ladies.
He is actually this good looking.
Amen.

Jacob "Nun" Standage. Yup. He's freaken hilarious.

     


 

Jacob! Thanks for being one of the best brothers a girl could ever hope to have. Your sense of humor is priceless. You are quite good looking. You have the biggest heart. You are the most loyal guy I know. You are the brother that will beat up the guys that break my heart or make me cry. It's splendid! Those guys are all lucky that they live so far away. How blessed you are to have such a stunning, admirable, perfect older sister. Haha! I know that you will always be there for me, no matter what! Also, you get me delicious hot dogs and red cream soda from M&M. That alone is priceless!

 

Have an amazing and memorable 18th birthday! I love you so, so much. I don't know what I would ever do without you in my life. <3

 

Hearts,

me

 

P.S. Someday, I would actually like that quilt back. Just sayin'...